I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying.

Pitch Me Pitch You

Found this amazing list of how to pitch your band to an indie rock label - http://blogscarymonsters.blogspot.com/2010/08/demos.html

Includes the following gems:

 

1. Be concise… yet make sure you give me lots of info
2. Be friendly and charming… but don’t suck up
3. Be confident… but do not, under any circumstances, be arrogant
4. Tell me why your band is going to sell records… but don’t tell me they’re the next big thing
5. Make it be known that you’re not afraid to work hard… but don’t you dare call me at 9pm on a Sunday night

Which inspired me to write my own version of Pitch Me. Except I’m the one regularly doing the pitching. So pitch me on how to pitch? Still…

1. Please do tell me why I should listen to this record…but don’t spoon-feed me what I should be listening for.

2. Please tell me a story of why this was made…but please don’t begin with “it’s the obvious next step in the maturity of an artist.”

3. Make me feel like I’m part of the team that’s going to make this successful…but don’t badger me about what I’m doing to help you every single day.

4. Make me feel like I’m part of the team that’s going to make this successful…but please do NOT ask me what I’m doing after first week when I was the only driver in first week. (Pet peeve much?)

5. Don’t include the entire classical music history in the information on why you did this…unless you do understand that I never really got that early music thing. 

6. Don’t compare yourself to someone else…unless you’d rather me just go and listen to their stuff.

7. Do give me relevant information about the piece…but if it includes chord progressions, you lost me.

8. Give me pull quotes if they are relevant…but if they have more ellipses than this blog post, I know you’re doing review by MadLib.

9. Press layouts rock…as long as it’s not a list of what you’d like to get. I’d like to pay off my student loans tomorrow, but that ain’t happening.

10. Please play well…don’t build me up buttercup and then suck.

Of Two Minds

I’m arguing with myself. I recently went to see Caroline Goulding (thanks Rebecca) at the Dallas Symphony. I found myself on two sides of a very big fence. One - major metropolitan cities do not need symphony orchestras just ‘cause. Two - major metropolitan cities do need symphony orchestras just ‘cause.

Because I can’t decide - I’m writing two parts.

Part One - If You Don’t Have Something Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything At All

Prior to the show, I looked at the program. I honestly was going to see Ms. Goulding. I didn’t give a crap what else they were playing. But because I was going, I really should know what is being played. Turns out it was Bach’s Orchestral Suite No. 3, Music for the Royal Fireworks, and Caroline was playing Mozart’s Violin Concerto No. 4.

Really? My crazy normal symphony is tackling music that is obviously better played by less-modern instruments or in small ensemble. There’s no way that this orchestra has anything to say about these pieces. The interpretation will be in no way groundbreaking. The hall is too large for these pieces. I can find better recordings of this all over the place. Why would I give up my evening to hear a substandard performance of really nice works?

So what should they play? Well, they are an orchestra located in Dallas with a very strong Latin population. Is there something that they could find in that vein? And it’s a very large hall with some super-cool acoustics. Maybe we look there for some oddball pieces? And we have some really strong music schools here. Perhaps some local or student composers?

If you are a major metropolitan symphony orchestra, don’t you have a duty to make your mark? Los Angeles may not be the best symphony, but they at least have something to say. The orchestra has a personality, a vision. Even New York. I’m not a huge fan of the playing all the time, but the playing is damn good. That’s kind of what they do. Even Baltimore. Marin Alsop has given a voice to that ensemble, even if it’s not always in their general programming. She’s really integrating it into the community.

If you don’t have anything to say, should you really be here at all? Why do you have this fancy hall that takes up downtown real estate? Because we’re a major US city, and we’re supposed to have this? I’m not sure that’s really a reason.

Part Two - Your Local Symphony At Work

Now let’s get to the night of the show. That’s where my attitude changes substantially.

Caroline Goulding is 17 years old. She’s this tiny little creature with a bouncy, blonde bob who is embarking on a major solo career. Because of that, the hall was filled with violin students. There were tons of parents who took their ten-year-olds to the show. And because of that, they made a cool night of it. Mommy was dressed up. Suzie had her last-year’s Easter dress on and a bow in her hair. They probably had a nice dinner and spent the car ride discussing music. What was Caroline going to sound like?* What would she wear? How much does she practice? Think I can get into Juilliard?

If we didn’t have an orchestra, that would never happen. The kids wouldn’t have the opportunity to see a live orchestral performance. They would practice their violin and listen to recordings and that’s it. They’d miss the thrill of the show. They’d probably be a little scared to enter a hall when they were old enough to make the decision themselves. So here was an opportunity for them to get a really great experience right in their hometown.

And the performance itself…well, I was right. Dallas has nothing to say about these pieces. But guess what? Really great works played just OK are still good. Who knew? I didn’t learn anything new about this, but I hadn’t heard this for awhile. No one’s life is being changed by this, but it was a nice concert. Maybe “nice” is about all I can ask for. Dallas is never going to attract the best players, but our players are quite good. And maybe that’s enough. Maybe just being here and providing this experience to our community is better than living without any orchestra.

Epilogue - My Fence

I don’t know where I stand. It’s hard for me to fork over the cash to see my orchestra when there’s nothing that they are giving me that’s unique, new or interesting. But, then again, if this didn’t exist, where would I take my son to experience this kind of music at all? If classical music lovers are always snobs, and this isn’t good enough, then aren’t we doing a disservice to our kids/neighbors by not attending at all? If our money doesn’t help the symphony stick around, then we have nothing.

Is just OK and available better than stellar and a plane ride away?

*I hesitate a bit bringing Ms. Goulding into my argument with myself. The answer to the question is that she played beautifully. It was the perfect piece for a young player to play. She had a sparkling tone and beautiful technique. She performed it a little like chamber music, with some really nice interaction with the orchestra. I really, really look forward to watching her career.

Fool Me Once…

A joke I heard once - a man was dying, and he got a glimpse at heaven and hell. Heaven was a lovely place with harps and clouds and angels and satisfied people all floating about. He visited hell and saw people lounging around, sipping cocktails, having the time of their lives all bustling about laughing, singing, etc. “Hmmm…,” he said. “I don’t understand why everyone’s all scared of hell.” He made his choice, and he chose to have fun in hell. When he got there, he saw fire, brimstone, torture. He asked the devil, “Where was everything I saw when I visited?!” The devil responded, “Yesterday you were a pitch. Today you’re a client.”

This is how I feel about concert-going.

Organizations are consistently trying to find gimmicks to bring people in the door. Singles night! An evening of Romance! Unexpect yourself!

And once they get in the door, what do they hear? A freaking long concert programmed like it’s been programmed forever - overture, concerto, symphony. A two-hour musicfest with tuxedoed stiff players and a guy waving a stick.

There are only a few people who really, honestly like that. Ask. Seriously. NO ONE LIKES THAT.

I love classical music. But as I get older, and now that I have a child, my time is super-valuable to me. I haven’t seen a movie in ages because it’s just too hard. Why am I going to give up close to three hours of my evening knowing that when I get there, I’m probably going to be bored for over half the show?

There’s nothing wrong with classical music. There’s nothing wrong with tuxedoed musicians and a guy waving a stick. There’s something majorly wrong with the fact that it’s always presented the same way.

If you have a product that people love, they will come back. Your wooing will result in the second concert ticket. Why? Because they were entertained. Not because it was a special night out. Not because the Russian brought them romance. Not because my old music history professor told me about the concert from the podium.

Here’s a list of some “Why Comes” (as we say in Texas):

1) Why come I’ve got to listen to a program of overture, concerto, symphony?

2) Why come I have to eat really bad food prior to the show because there’s nothing near the venue that’s good? And the food in the venue is institutional grade and expensive?

3) Why come the soloist doesn’t do something solo as well as the concerto? Or instead of?

4) Why come is this damn show so freaking long?!

5) Why come is the entire audience freaked out about when they are supposed to clap?

6) Why come do I have to listen to the entire orchestra through the entire program? Could you maybe mix it up so that my ears don’t shut off because it all sounds similar? You know how they throw the slow song in the mix on the radio? There’s a reason for that. These are great players - they don’t do chamber music, too?

7) Why come these things have to start at 8:00 - the magical time that’s too early to get a proper meal and hit the show, but too late to come straight from work?

8) Why come’s this thing still going on?

9) Why come there has to be a theme? (Romantic Russians is a big favorite with the Dallas Symphony. Never could figure that out. Posters always include roses.)

10) Seriously, why come’s this concert still happening?

My magical night - for real, it was amazing - was a “rush hour” concert where Yuja Wang played Rach 2 and then the Symphony played something else. The show started at 7:00. It was two pieces. She nailed the hell out of the Rach, I didn’t remember the second piece, and I was home on my couch at 9:30. My husband had a great time, I heard good music, and I was rested for the next day.

There’s nothing wrong with classical music. You either enjoy it (not even all of it, just some of it) or you don’t. Trick the audience into attending as the alternative to Match.com, and they aren’t coming back. Lure them in with something neat, then play something that fits how people live and listen today, and they might not get fooled again. They may just buy.