Fool Me Once…
A joke I heard once - a man was dying, and he got a glimpse at heaven and hell. Heaven was a lovely place with harps and clouds and angels and satisfied people all floating about. He visited hell and saw people lounging around, sipping cocktails, having the time of their lives all bustling about laughing, singing, etc. “Hmmm…,” he said. “I don’t understand why everyone’s all scared of hell.” He made his choice, and he chose to have fun in hell. When he got there, he saw fire, brimstone, torture. He asked the devil, “Where was everything I saw when I visited?!” The devil responded, “Yesterday you were a pitch. Today you’re a client.”
This is how I feel about concert-going.
Organizations are consistently trying to find gimmicks to bring people in the door. Singles night! An evening of Romance! Unexpect yourself!
And once they get in the door, what do they hear? A freaking long concert programmed like it’s been programmed forever - overture, concerto, symphony. A two-hour musicfest with tuxedoed stiff players and a guy waving a stick.
There are only a few people who really, honestly like that. Ask. Seriously. NO ONE LIKES THAT.
I love classical music. But as I get older, and now that I have a child, my time is super-valuable to me. I haven’t seen a movie in ages because it’s just too hard. Why am I going to give up close to three hours of my evening knowing that when I get there, I’m probably going to be bored for over half the show?
There’s nothing wrong with classical music. There’s nothing wrong with tuxedoed musicians and a guy waving a stick. There’s something majorly wrong with the fact that it’s always presented the same way.
If you have a product that people love, they will come back. Your wooing will result in the second concert ticket. Why? Because they were entertained. Not because it was a special night out. Not because the Russian brought them romance. Not because my old music history professor told me about the concert from the podium.
Here’s a list of some “Why Comes” (as we say in Texas):
1) Why come I’ve got to listen to a program of overture, concerto, symphony?
2) Why come I have to eat really bad food prior to the show because there’s nothing near the venue that’s good? And the food in the venue is institutional grade and expensive?
3) Why come the soloist doesn’t do something solo as well as the concerto? Or instead of?
4) Why come is this damn show so freaking long?!
5) Why come is the entire audience freaked out about when they are supposed to clap?
6) Why come do I have to listen to the entire orchestra through the entire program? Could you maybe mix it up so that my ears don’t shut off because it all sounds similar? You know how they throw the slow song in the mix on the radio? There’s a reason for that. These are great players - they don’t do chamber music, too?
7) Why come these things have to start at 8:00 - the magical time that’s too early to get a proper meal and hit the show, but too late to come straight from work?
8) Why come’s this thing still going on?
9) Why come there has to be a theme? (Romantic Russians is a big favorite with the Dallas Symphony. Never could figure that out. Posters always include roses.)
10) Seriously, why come’s this concert still happening?
My magical night - for real, it was amazing - was a “rush hour” concert where Yuja Wang played Rach 2 and then the Symphony played something else. The show started at 7:00. It was two pieces. She nailed the hell out of the Rach, I didn’t remember the second piece, and I was home on my couch at 9:30. My husband had a great time, I heard good music, and I was rested for the next day.
There’s nothing wrong with classical music. You either enjoy it (not even all of it, just some of it) or you don’t. Trick the audience into attending as the alternative to Match.com, and they aren’t coming back. Lure them in with something neat, then play something that fits how people live and listen today, and they might not get fooled again. They may just buy.
